Haven’t we laughed crazily over those funny WhatsApp messages, Facebook posts and Tweets about women before and after marriage; like – how they change, what things they say, and what they usually do that is hilarious, but in reality that’s how women are meant to be. No… seriously! If not them, who else?
I mean, can you imagine men talking about other men’s jacket, shoes, hair etc. or imagine them watching daily soaps and making it a gossip topic next day at work or a party? Well these are just few, but there are so many things that wouldn’t suit a man! You still want women to change? 😉
I’ve been actively participating in ‘relationship, marriage and issues‘ forum for long now, and I constantly read people talk about ‘changes’. I’ve also read men complaining that they have changed a lot post-marriage which has led them to feeling lost. The severity in this sentence demands an explanation on the kind of change that men are talking about.
If it’s about quitting their hobbies/passion because their partner doesn’t like it or doesn’t find worth supporting, it’s not really ‘changing’ but giving up things they like to sustain the harmony. Sad but true! Change is for good but if it’s not, one should always have the liberty to stand up for oneself.
In this article, I won’t be talking about women being right and men being wrong or vise versa, however, I’d mainly like to address the so-called ‘change‘ issue that mostly couples complain about. I read a question where a man asked – how to deal with my wife wanting a change in me regarding few annoying habits (as per her)? In addition, he wrote that his wife complained he didn’t help her at home, didn’t clean his mess, didn’t give her time, and the list went on! He tried everything he could and finally, when he ‘sort of‘ changed now, he feels that he has lost his identity (maybe he meant that he no longer finds the real ‘him’ in himself anymore).
For a while, I thought it was not nice of the wife to change her husband just because he is not what she wants him to be. Letting him be himself would bring some harmony as he wouldn’t bother her too! But, is he not wanting a change in her too?
The Basics – Okay, lets talk only about Indian men and families. Isn’t the women expected to do a lot more than a man? A women (addressing to a home-maker) should at least know basic meal cooking, keep the house tidy, remember all the dates her husband forgets, know how to do ‘puja‘, follow rituals, manage the house-hold expenses with the money she gets for the month, should know where everything is across the house, should know when the clothes are dirty and needs washing, clean the bathrooms etc. Whoa! Can you imagine?
A girl gets married and is suddenly expected to do all of the above without wincing a little. Isn’t it only natural to want few things to work as per her liking? If a man cannot change his way of throwing socks, shirts, jeans, wherever he wants or keeping the remote in a place even he doesn’t remember or doesn’t help in cleaning or is always busy with his stuff, there is no way fairness is happening here! To correct again, I am not writing in favor of those women who cannot see men happy… and yes, I have actually seen few of them! Some women are real control freaks. They just don’t seem to like their men talk much, and some even control their men’s lives by deciding what they should do, wear, eat etc.
For Men– Everyone is entitled to living life the way they want. But how does it work in a relationship? It’s a bond you sign to thereafter donate your bachelorhood to living with your better-half or partner. So, if you have someone taking care of you, managing your things, cleaning your mess, cooking for you and stuffs like that, it would be really humble on your part to appreciate the same and try to change a bit and lessen her work! Is that going to change your identity too? I’m sure not!
For Women – If you’re really in love with your partner, you’ll never want him to change for your benefit, but only for his betterment. In a healthy relationship, you’ll never need to impose rules and decisions on him. Rather, you’ll love to spend time doing things he enjoys for a change.
Go out, drink (if you do), dine-out, be a sport, have fun, dance, sing, play and do things that’ll bring the most of you both, together! If he wants some time alone, let him have it… he’ll only return feeling refreshed!
Now the major of all – Alcohol (LOL.. didn’t realize it actually rhymed!) – I have come across men (both in person and virtually) usually complaining about their wives not letting them drink much. Some say that they literally have to beg and that they get to booze once in a while only on certain conditions. Well, this is a little tricky one.
Drinking is different for all men. Some drink to ease out, some drink in fun mood, some drink because they are sad, some drink to release the stress from work, some drink for no reason at all, some when they have a company and some, just because they are addicted. When you are in a relationship, it’s pretty basic that you also take care of the other person’s comfort. If your partner is not comfortable with the person you turn into after drinking, it’s obviously natural to dislike making it a part of your lives. Why? Well because, every little thing that you two do, affects the relationship from top to bottom.
Drinking is of course bad for health if made a habit no doubt… but sometimes, drinking allows one to relax and there is nothing wrong with it! The only thing to make sure is, it’s not ruining your health and relationship. Imagine lying on that hospital bed regretting every peg you chose against your partner or signing the divorce papers for not being able to quit drinking.
Bottom Line – ‘Changing‘ only for the sake of harmony doesn’t last long, but changing for the betterment of a relationship will automatically stay forever! When you bring changes in yourself for your beloved, you’ll never consider that as losing your identity, rather gaining a new one which is better! And of course, a little drink, few moments of gaming, hanging out with friends and lazying never hurts.
Ultimately, whatever you do, enjoy this life more than you just mean it. Change, but only if that makes you comfortable… and don’t forget to help! 🙂
Have a wonderful day.